At midnight, she laid in bed wide awake without an urge to close her eyes to go to sleep. Her body was being denied the time she needed to get some rest. But...apart of her wondered if God was the cause of such restlessness. She thought that maybe she would spend some time with Him. She thought to herself, "I guess God wants me to spend time with Him. I'm sure He already knows what's bothering me. What harm will it do to vocalize my emotions?".
Rolling over onto her stomach to get more comfortable, she began the conversation as she normally does with her Father...by simply recognizing His presence. She discussed her typical day with Him from everything that got on her nerves to the things that troubled her spirit. In this short discussion, God was able to speak to her and open her eyes about things she would have NEVER understood with the human eye.
As the conversation progressed, she began to dig deeper in her conversation with God. You see...this young lady has had a long-standing relationship with her Father in Heaven. He has taken her through rough patches in her life and made her stronger, which ultimately grew her faith in Him. This season of her life has been tremendously hard on her. For the past four years, she has endured hospital stays, various medications, CT scans, MRIs, doctors claiming she has to live the rest of life with life-threatening conditions, learning how to walk again due to a case of meningitis, moving to a new city, being stretched in her faith, and dealing with the confusion of who she truly is. As she endured all of these life changes, she figured that God would come in like a rushing wind and change her current situation around. But...it didn't quite happen the way she thought it would.
The experiences in her life caused her to second guess her faith in the unseen to the point, where she would believe up to a certain point about things that were spoken over her or believing in things changing for the better. She knew, in her heart, that God loved her and had a big mission for her. A part of a believed that God brought her these issues and that He would eventually take them away when He saw fit. In conversations with her Father, she would discuss her desires and ambitions. One of the highly discussed desires was...her being able to dance again. You see...this young lady loved to dance and worship the Lord through movement. Dancing is what helped her pressed forward despite being sick with Lemierre's Disease a few years ago. She cherished the moments when she was able to spend time with God through dance. Those moments brought her closer to the one who provided her comfort from the pains of in life.
On this night, God knew that He needed to speak to her about the things that troubled her. He knew that His daughter avoided the hard stuff on purpose. She hated feeling vulnerable and weak. And that's something He wanted her to understand is what gives her strength. God patiently waited on His daughter to express the troubles of her heart. Slowly...but the surely the young woman began to express everything that was bothering her. She began to talk about missing her home state, feeling like an outcast in a world that doesn't seem to understand her, and the issues of her body. God revealed to her that she needed to leave her home to in order to grow in her faith and learn to lean on more on Him. The young lady understood all of this, but she couldn't see herself getting to a place where she could just believe in what wasn't in front of her. Well...a part of it was due to her being extremely nosey and impatient. God needed her to stop looking at the things with the naked eye, but look at them in the way He sees them. She closed her eyes and allowed God to show her in a new light...completely healed all of infirmities, living a fearlessly with Him, and walking with her head held high in confidence.
He encouraged her to grab a hold of this knowledge soon, because her journey would get tough mentally, physically, and emotionally. For a moment, she laid quietly in bed as she allowed God's previous revelation to sink in. Thoughts began to run rapidly in her mind as she pondered how much life would change if she decided to let go of the wheel, believe in the invisible, have peace in God, and move forward despite the issues of her past that were currently present in her day to day life. She cried and asked, "But God! How can I do this?! I don't know how to do this alone! You have to help me!" The changes in her life have been overwhelming since day one. Thoughts continued to flood her mind. How could she live up to God's expectations?! She didn't even know where she was headed! Why would God use her to help others who are lost and looking for strength in the unknown?! Who would listen to a girl who struggles believing in her own healing and has issues of low self-esteem?!
Uncontrollable tears began to take over her body. As she cried, she could feel her heart crying out. She tried to control her tears, but she didn’t have the strength to overpower her emotions. She allowed her heart to say a silent prayer filled with pain, fear, frustration, and urgency. The room was quiet for a few moments as the young woman cried. Her Father, who was nearby, quietly consoled her. As her tears subsided, God encouraged her to just lean on Him. He told her to stop running away from the hardships of her life, stop believing in the things people speak over her, and to stop allowing the enemy to make her believe that she lacks value. He told her that He has always been there for her, even when the enemy tried to do things that were meant for bad. For a moment, her Father told her to close her eyes. God wanted to show her that He has always been there for her piecing things together to make her stronger, wiser, bolder, and capable of performing the purpose who has given her to fulfill in life.
He told her that she didn't have to do it alone, because she has a Father who is with her at all times, but she has to believe in Him. She would need to have faith in the unseen, let go of what the world thinks she should do and step out. As her father lulled her to sleep, He told her that her faith in the unseen it what will continue to give her the strength to press forward and ignore what is going on around her. He told her to be aware of distractions from the enemy. He told her that she must face those moments, remember who she was and whose she was. Her faith would be the driving force to help her to move forward.